God, how I love this programme.

They say that if you put a thousand monkeys in a room with a thousand typewriters then in a thousand years they will write the works of Shakespeare.

Some years ago a group of producers put one monkey in a room with an etch-a-sketch and the result was: Dante’s Cove.

It’s genius. A parallel world where concepts that we accept as normal just do not exist. Like “acting”. And “shirts”.

But goodness me, what a wonderful place to live. An entire island populated by beautiful, young, sexy people. And Tracy Scoggins.

It’s a place where someone called Reichen Lehmkuhl (who apparently won a reality TV show and dated Lance Bass) must atone for his sins by submitting to living his life under a sheen of baby oil.

It’s where we marvel at the “performance” of Charlie David – possibly the most wooden actor who ever lived. (Let me put it this way – that chiselled torso isn’t so much the result of Gold’s Gym as it is a carpenter’s workshop. No really, you can see the other actors batting away the splinters.)

In short, a masterpiece. I wouldn’t miss an episode.